


Slurp

by ToiletPaperPrincess



Series: Miscellaneous Fics [16]
Category: Maison Ikkoku
Genre: Food, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 00:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15545916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToiletPaperPrincess/pseuds/ToiletPaperPrincess
Summary: Never get between a scavenger and his prey.





	Slurp

**Author's Note:**

> So in volume 5 there's this brief little scene (read left-to-right):  
>   
> and when I first read it I mixed up the lines of the noodle with the lines on Yusaku's coat and thought Yotsuya had chomped on a noodle that was hanging out of Yusaku's mouth, then realized that it's actually Yusaku who chomps on it while it's hanging out of Yotsuya's mouth, then apparently spent the rest of the day thinking about how a game of "gay chicken" would go down between them.
> 
> I've only read (~1/3 of) the manga and haven't seen the anime, so apologies if Yotsuya's not actually as monotone/deadpan as I've been imagining him, haha...

“Your cruelty wounds me.”

It wasn’t the word Yusaku would have used. Currently, he was thinking “ingenuity.”

“Tha’sh jusht too ba’,” he countered thickly.

It was only cup ramen, but it was _his_ cup ramen, and that cup was practically suctioned against his face with only just enough wiggle room to fit his chopsticks. There was no way Yotsuya was stealing a bite _this_ time.

Though _he_ hadn’t gotten many bites yet, either. He’d slammed it against his face the moment he’d peeled the lid off, splashing scalding broth all over himself and just barely managing to recapture the cup before Yotsuya’s grasping hands could reach it. Then he’d nearly suffocated in the steam. But it had finally cooled off, and he was clumsily guiding it into his mouth (gulping more broth than noodle at first), and his gluttonous neighbor was left pouting just beyond Yusaku’s private cardboard enclosure. “Ingenuity” didn’t have to be _perfect_ , just _effective_.

“Have you no pity, young Godai?” Yotsuya’s voice was as calm as ever. “A starving man lies upon your doorstep and you selfishly hoard your resources?”

Yusaku snorted, then coughed, then swallowed. “For a starving man you sure wolfed down a lotta taiyaki at lunch.”

The line had gotten him once, though, years and years ago. It had taken a while to notice that the man’s stomach never growled.

“Merely drops in a well.” The floor creaked. Warm breath grazed his neck. Yusaku tightened his grip on the cup and shoveled faster. “I require only a single noodle. Would you begrudge me that?”

That line had worked once, too. But of course it had escalated in the vein of _When You Give A Mouse A Cookie_.

Yusaku was silent.

_Slurp slurp._

Yotsuya was silent.

_Slurp slurp sluuurp._

Yotsuya was...strangely...silent...

Yusaku stopped slurping.

The cup remained pressed to his face. The cup, or more accurately, the _blinder_. Yusaku’s heart began thumping uncontrollably. How in hell had he thought it a good idea to take his _eyes_ off Yotsuya? The man was capable of anything. His wallet might be gone, his futon might be gone, the entire dividing _wall_ might be gone—no, wait, he would have definitely _heard_ that—but still—there was still such a big yarn ball of noodles at the bottom of the cup—the silence could be a trick to make him lower it, better suck up those noodles before sneaking a peek—

“ _Ms. Otonashi!_ ” The voice was aghast. “ _Button your shirt!_ ”

The cup dropped from Yusaku’s face.

Of course, the door was closed and Ms. Otonashi was nowhere in sight. Yusaku knew that before he let go. But, well, it was a reflex.

...In retrospect, “ingenuity” had been exactly the wrong word.

Yusaku whirled, furious. Yotsuya was crouched over the cup like an animal, already lifting with chopsticks— _Yusaku’s_ chopsticks—the last clump of noodles.

“ _You jerk!_ ”

Yusaku slapped at the man’s hand. One chopstick went flying, but the ramen remained well-twined around its partner. It popped into Yotsuya’s mouth.

“ _Oh_ no—”

Yotsuya fumbled to parry, but Yusaku managed to grip the chopstick and yank it back out from between the man’s lips. Yotsuya lunged forth and chomped back down, fire gleaming in his eye. He’d snagged the dangling end of the noodles, the chopstick still in Yusaku’s hand. Without thinking, Yusaku jammed the chopstick into his mouth.

Their noses bumped.

 _Oh shit_ , Yusaku thought.

There were still a few inches separating their faces, but Yotsuya was chewing frantically, never breaking eye contact. Yusaku’s head was spinning. _There’s no way_ , he thought, for the several hundredth time since he’d met this man. _He couldn’t possibly_...

Yotsuya’s face was edging closer.

_Nom nom nom._

Yusaku gulped reflexively. A cropped length of noodle began to slide down his throat.

_Nom nom._

_There is_ , he thought, _absolutely NO WAY_ —

_Sluuuuurp._

It wasn’t a _“kiss”._ Yusaku would repeat that to himself over and over for days to come. It was a mouth crashing into another mouth, a feeding frenzy, the stunning conclusion to an impromptu game of gay chicken.

_Sluuuuuuurp._

A small chunk of noodles was actually sucked from one mouth to another. _Oh god,_ Yusaku thought. Then relaxed because surely it was all over. Then stiffened the hell up when a tongue prodded past his teeth. _OH GOD NO_ , he thought.

_Sluuuuuuuuurp._

Yusaku was, he would repeat to himself over and over for days to come, too startled to fight back.

So the slimy invader met no resistance as it swept across the cavern, sopping up flecks of vegetables and noodles and a hefty dollop of saliva for good measure. No cranny was left unexplored. It was basically just a weirdly kinky way of flossing, as Yusaku would repeat to himself over and over for days to come.

_Sluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur—_

Then with a popping noise like the release of a wet suction cup, it was over. Warm hands released his face. The back of Yusaku’s head landed with a _thunk_ on the floor. When the hell had Yotsuya grabbed his face? When the hell had he gotten him _on his back ON THE FLOOR?_

Yotsuya was sitting up now, looking down on Yusaku with a mildly disappointed frown. “You brought this upon yourself,” he said calmly, and dabbed his lips with a napkin. “Next time, please do remember that sharing is caring.”

 _That_ got Yusaku sitting bolt upright. “ _NEXT time?!_ ” he sputtered, coughing slightly. Damn, there was too much _spit_ in his mouth. “ _WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THERE’LL BE A NEXT TIME?!_ ”

Yotsuya was utterly deadpan.

“I’m flattered, Godai. But I meant the next time you _ate_.”

Yusaku’s face, already burning bright, deepened a few more shades of magenta. “ _SON OF A BITCH—_ ”

“Tut tut, such language... Must I regale our tale of passion to our housemates as punishment?” Yotsuya sucked in a deep breath. “ _OH, MS. OTONASHI—!_ ”

_THUMP._

Yusaku hadn’t noticed, of course, having had more pressing things to think about, that when he sat up the door had been ajar. And he never considered this in connection with the fact that Kyoko arrived at the door as quickly as if she had already been on that floor.

He never realized that Kyoko had, having heard her name yelled, opened the door to the room just in time to see the two men’s faces crash into each other, then hurriedly backed away down the corridor.

But he certainly noticed that when Kyoko arrived (again) (hearing her name and deciding she’d just _better_ in case it was an emergency), she saw him wrestling Yotsuya to the floor with Yotsuya’s kimono tugged halfway down his shoulders and Yusaku’s crotch in an easily misconstrued position relative to Yotsuya’s ass.

Kyoko didn’t hear any of what was shrieked at her or about her when she turned and left. She was pretty sure, knowing the kinds of hijinks that happened in that house, that there must be a strange but (relatively) innocent explanation for the things she’d seen.

But she’d be damned if she could guess what it was.

And the ingenious Yusaku, despite his protesting wallet, dined out for the rest of the week.


End file.
